Self Care is an Excuse: 3 Ways to Know if You’re avoiding The Discomfort of Growth
Self care can be an excuse.
I’ve seen it used as a way to avoid doing necessary work;
It’s easy to sleep in, lunch with a friend, get a pedicure and call it “self care” when the alternative feels so much harder.
Stretching yourself is uncomfortable.
If you’re an entrepreneur in the cannabis industry there’s a slue of new skills to hone, failures to be had, wins to hustle towards.
It will be uncomfortable.
So many of us mislabel staying safe and small as “self care”.
What if self care was actually doing hard work?
What if self care wasn’t always supposed to feel good?
I’m not saying that a spa day, or an extra hour of sleep or taking a day off isn’t wonderful or necessary.
Not at all.
I’m suggesting some of us use self care as an excuse to not do hard work.
Here’s how you know if you’re avoiding the discomfort of growth and calling it self care.
1. You often say, “I Deserve It”.
You put in a full day.
There was a lot to do; all the fires you had to put out, the emails and calls to respond to, the tasks to check off your to do list.
There was getting the kids out the door, picking them up, getting to that meeting, making dinner.
The shit’s real.
At the end of the day you just want to relax and check out.
You deserve it.
So you pour a glass of wine.
Or you smoke a joint.
Or you watch Netflix.
Or all three.
You deserve it, right?
I mean, your days are stressful and overwhelming.
There’s nothing like being an entrepreneur in the Cannabis Industry.
You need a head change.
But I have news for you:
This isn’t self care.
This is checking out.
Using anything outside of yourself to feel better is resisting and avoiding the work of managing your mind.
When you believe that you “deserve” to check out because your life is stressful and overwhelming - you need to evaluate your life.
It is an amazing privilege to be an entrepreneur.
Especially in Cannabis.
There’s nothing like it. You’ve been called to bring this Sacred Plant forward and into the light.
We live in the most amazing time.
When you believe that it’s stressful and overwhelming you’re not present with the abundance of this life.
The stress and overwhelm you feel is because of the thoughts you have.
When you reach for something outside of yourself to “feel better” because you “deserve” it -
You’re forfeiting the most powerful self care you can ever do:
Understanding your unconscious and automatic thoughts and noticing how they’re making you feel.
When you learn how to manage your mind, you don’t have to escape it to feel better.
You no longer tell a story about what you “deserve” because you’re accountable and responsible for how you feel.
When you no longer tell a story about how hard your day was - you have so much more energy to do the things you actually want to do.
Not because you deserve it.
2. Something Happened that was Hard
Someone said something offensive or you got some “bad” feedback about your work.
Your computer crashed.
Taxes are due and the money isn’t there.
Circumstances are happening - constantly.
So what do you make them mean?
For so many of us, when something happens - including another person’s behavior - and it isn’t in alignment with what we want we make it mean something negative.
It becomes hard.
Suddenly, a wall goes up and it’s hard to navigate through your day.
Things aren’t flowing. Everything is off.
So you decide that there isn’t much you can do right now and you jump online.
You check Facebook or Instagram - or both.
You may do some shopping.
You text a friend to see if they want to grab some coffee.
You go home and clean the bathroom.
You call it self care.
You’re avoiding Hard.
So many of us believe it isn’t supposed to be hard.
So when it is, we’re caught off guard.
Our brains don’t want this unnecessary burden so it searches for pleasure.
This is why we often feel powerless when things get hard and we take an easy route.
Then we slap a label on it calling it self care - or better yet: Self Preservation.
Do you really believe you can’t do hard? Or that it shouldn’t be hard?
It most certainly is supposed to be hard.
You know why?
BECAUSE IT IS.
You’re an entrepreneur in the Cannabis Industry.
As soon as you decides to be this, You signed up to innovate and create.
This means you do things everyday that you’ve never done before.
You knew it would be exciting and hard.
Here you are.
Where it gets exciting is when you do it anyways.
What’s exciting is watching yourself allow hard and move through it and not make out mean anything about you, them or this.
You get to decide what you do with Hard.
When you avoid or resist it and look for something “easier” and call this self care -
You’re not taking care of the person you signed up to become.
It’s supposed to be hard and you’re more than capable of moving through it and finding out what’s on the other side.
3. This is how I’ve always been
You go to a yoga class 5 days a week.
You regularly meet up with friends after work and have drinks.
You rack up the frequent flyer miles traveling internationally a few times a year.
This is who you are.
And staying true to who you are is the greatest form of self care, right?
Who aren’t you becoming because “This is who I am”?
Now that you’re an entrepreneur in this new, uncharted industry, how’re you evolving and changing?
Where in your life are you not evolving because you’re attached to your beliefs?
I’m all for yoga, socializing and epic adventures around the globe.
But not at the expense of growth.
If you’re attached to “staying who you are” because it’s comfortable this isn’t self care.
This is staying the same.
Your business grows only if you grow.
You grow when you stretch yourself - in all the ways.
If “this is how I’ve always been” is keeping you from doing things you know you need to do for your business’s growth and your growth
You need to question it.
You have to decide who you need to be in your business and how you want to show up in your life, first.
Then decide if “how you’ve always been” serves this new version.
So, What now?
1. You must allow yourself to be uncomfortable
If when you feel discomfort you search for pleasure or ease or anything other than discomfort, you’re going to use “self care” as a crutch.
You’re going to stay stuck in a limited pleasure seeking pattern.
When you decide that you deserve to reach your goals by managing your mind,
When you decide that it’s supposed to be hard and you can do hard things,
When you decide you can change how you’ve always been -
You open yourself up to feeling Joy.
Joy is the ultimate reward of being onto yourself.
When you don’t fall into automatic and unconscious patterns of thinking, feeling and doing
You start to exit instant pleasure seeking reactions and you begin to practice the steady work of long term Joy.
2. Decide what the discomfort means
When you allow discomfort you notice what you make it mean.
The more you practice this the stronger your observer self becomes.
Then you are able to decide what you want the discomfort to mean.
Growing and evolving is uncomfortable.
Staying the small and stuck is also uncomfortable.
You must determine if the discomfort you feel is serving you or not.
Ask yourself: Does the discomfort I feel allow me to grow or does it keep me small?
3. Define Self Care as Allowing the Discomfort that Serves You
Now that you’ve determined the type of discomfort that allows you to grow and become your best self, you get to label it as Self Care.
I wake up most mornings at 4:15 am. This is Self Care.
I spend 2 hours a week planning and scheduling my work for greatest efficiency and productivity. This is Self Care.
I stopped drinking alcohol, getting high and watching TV. This is Self Care.
I also exercise, do yoga, plan trips with and without my family. This is Self Care.
MY LIFE IS SELF CARE.
Nothing is separate.
Everything I do is because I decide to do it.
Because I want to.
I decide what it means.
What I eat, who I spend time with, how much sleep I get.
It’s all a choice.
It all starts in my mind.
If you’re en entrepreneur in the cannabis industry and want to take your self care to a new level - and your business too - I can help.
Schedule a free 30 minute call HERE.
It may change everything for you.