Circumstances are Neutral. Your Thoughts Aren’t. This is the Difference.
When we’re faced with decisions many of us stop and try to “figure it out”.
We get caught up in a story about who, what, where, why and how.
We literally spin a web of “truth” to make sense of what’s happening around us.
I’ve spent more time than I’d like to admit in a place of process.
Compiling evidence to support my story.
Believing the story, but still hanging onto my hopes.
This always created a conflict:
Should I stay or go?
Should I do this or that?
Should I feel this way or that way?
The amount of energy it took to process my way though life often left me exhausted.
I knew there was a better way.
I did everything I knew that would support a clear mind and heart.
cleaned up my diet,
stopped drinking or smoking,
got massages -
I did ALL the things.
But when I learned this one very powerful idea I was finally free of “processing” my life.
Circumstances are neutral.
What’s a Circumstance, you ask?
A circumstance is what’s around you;
and not just those things - but everything about them;
The size, temperature and color of the room
The temperment, volume and number of kids
The breed, smell and energy of the dog.
All the things about all the things are circumstances.
They’re all circumstances and they’re all NEUTRAL.
What this means is that nothing is good or bad, happy or sad, exhilarating or devastating until you have a thought about it.
Everything is neutral until you have a thought about it.
You choose your thoughts because you want to have those thoughts.
Let me give you a personal example of how this works in my life.
Recently, I was disapproved multiple times for online payment processing.
I created a story about what this means for me and my business.
I decided what the story was going to be.
I could’ve made not being able to make online sales mean I’ll make less sales and perhaps not be as successful as I could be if I was able to take online payments.
This would create feelings of despair and resentment.
How I show up from this place would result in less sales and failure to succeed.
It wouldn’t be the Circumstance that created this - it would be my thoughts about the Circumstance that did.
I know the story I tell defines me and my potential success.
The Circumstance is I was disapproved by two online processors.
I get to make it mean whatever I want.
This is what I make it mean:
I get to learn how to make clear offers that help people so they are motivated to write a check, bring me cash or find any way to pay me for my services.
Not taking online payments will make how I sell and the clarity I have about who and how I can help greater.
This is an opportunity to learn valuable relationship building skills.
Not being able to take online payments doesn’t hurt my business.
At this time it makes my business better.
There is no evidence for why this is until I create evidence.
Because these thoughts create feelings of empowerment, determination and trust
The actions I take will become the evidence for what I’m choosing to believe.
These actions will result in my success.
Even if I was approved to take online payments it wouldn’t be the circumstance that created my success -
It’s always my thoughts and the feeling those thoughts create that drive my actions
that result in success.
When I realized this, it freed me from the confusion around what “everything” was.
And I get to decide what I want it to be for me.
Your thoughts are always a choice.
If what you think creates emotions that don’t serve you - You can decide to think something different.
This isn’t ignorant or irresponsible.
In fact, it’s the opposite.
Realizing you have a choice in what you think - about the BIG SHIT and all the little things -
IS conscious and responsible.
So now that you know what a Circumstance is and that you get to decide what you want to think about it, How do you do it?
These are the 3 things I remember to keep the circumstance neutral and my thoughts choices.
1. You no longer have to tell a story that doesn’t serve you.
Before you realized you can think whatever you want about ALL OF IT, you were just thinking your automatic and unconscious thoughts.
You thought this was the truth.
Now you know that truth is whatever you want it to be.
You create whatever story you want because YOU CAN.
You just have to believe it and want the feeling it creates.
If you have a thought about a Circumstance and this thought creates an emotion you don’t want to feel - you can change your thought,
2. You let the things you can’t control BE
All you can control are your thoughts.
You can’t change the FACTS of the story and you don’t need to.
This is so freeing.
The only thing you need to change are your thoughts.
The circumstances can stay the same.
You don’t need to argue with reality.
You don’t need to believe something “should be different”.
Things just ARE.
Now, what needs to change?
3. You empower yourself by deciding what you want to think
When you practice changing your thoughts VS changing your circumstances, you build power.
You no longer struggle with the conflict -
The conflict is always with yourself.
What you want to think vs. what you actually think.
If you believe you’re mean to serve the world with your product or service
But you think the system is rigged against you - you have conflict.
Choose which side you’re on.
Then choose the thoughts that support your belief.
You’ll want to compile evidence of why you can’t have what you want most.
Create evidence that you can create exactly what you want.
After all, it’s up to you.