Why Other People's Behavior is Disappointing and How to Be Free From It.
How often do you feel disappointed when someone doesn’t act in a way you believe they should?
When your husband drinks too much
When your kids refuse to do their homework
When your best friend doesn’t invite you to lunch
When your Mom gossips about the neighbors.
They’re out of line.
Or this is what you believe.
So you’re disappointed.
And you blame them for your disappointment.
You believe they need to change - everyone would be so much happier, right?
You make how you feel dependent on someone else’s actions.
You know EXACTLY what those actions are and what they need to change to.
This is called having a Manual.
A manual is a Big, Fat Book filled with all the beliefs you have about other people.
You have a Manual for all the people in your life.
The manual you have for your husband is different than the manual you have for your best friend.
You live from this manual - you see the people in your life through the lens of your manual about them.
It’s causing all your pain in your relationships.
People act how they act.
Believing they should be acting different,
Believing you know how they should act,
Believing their responsible for how you feel
Is causing your pain.
You need to give up your manual.
This is how:
1. See the people in your life as they are, not as you want them to be.
When you allow other people’s behavior without attaching expectation to it, you’re freeing yourself from disappointment.
What if you let them all just be?
Who would you be when you stop believing everyone else should be different?
You aren’t being who you’re meant to be when you create these expectations about others.
The only person you need to have expectations of IS YOU.
2. Notice your thoughts are creating how you feel, not their behavior
When you feel any emotion you have the opportunity to discover the thought creating it.
All your feelings are caused by your thoughts.
Disappointment, Resentment, Anger - all the emotions you’re making the people in your life responsible for
Are because of how you’re thinking of the people in your life.
When you think:
“He should be fixing the leaky sink”
and he’s not
you‘re going to feel resentment.
If he’s watching football, perhaps you need to think something other than what you believe he should be doing.
He’s doing exactly what he should be doing.
You don’t even need to have a thought about him.
What else can you think about?
What about you?
What do you want to be doing?
3. Choose the thoughts that create the feeling you want to have for the people in your life.
How do you want to feel about the people in your life?
My guess is you want to feel Love.
The people in your life are here for you to Love them.
It’s this simple.
So how do you need to think about the people in your life to feel love?
Remember no one can make you feel anyway - this includes Love.
The love you feel is because of the loving thoughts you have,
No one has to act any way for you to choose a thought that creates Love.
You get to love, no matter what.
Throw away the manual.
Love because it feels good.
Let the people in your life be themselves.
You do YOU.
If you’re assigning responsibility for how you feel to the people in your life
I can Help.
I’m facilitating a workshop on 4/13/19 at the Inn at 2nd and C in Eureka from 10 - 5.
I love believing in you.