This is me Starting.
I’m not sure how to proceed, but here I am putting One. Foot. In. Front. Of. The. Other.
I’ve been dreaming of writing for most of my adult life. I have books outlined in the study of my brain. There have been countless themes, sentences, descriptions, theories, monologues, etc about Life, Love, Parenthood, Pain, Healing, Spirit, etc. sketched out on loose leaf, post its, journals, my Soul.
There is a conversation I have been vying to have with you, so I will just Start.
What have you started that scared you so much you’ve stayed frozen in contemplation/resistance/ avoidance? How did you get to the place to choose to start? How did starting feel?
For me, I had to remember that there will always be fear of starting something. Where ever I am in my personal development there is an accompanying challenge to overcome so that I can grow and move into another stage. We each had to learn to walk, tie our shoes, go to school, ride the bus. There was applying for jobs, taking out loans, higher education, relationships, sex. The fear stays relatively the same, but the choices do get juicier and more powerful.
For me there was staring my own business doing body and spirit work. There was committing (sometimes each day) to my partner trusting that I’ve made the “right” choice. There was having a Baby, then another and now, another. There is the responsibility to steward the land and live according to my personal values. There is hashing out my needs and wants and getting clearer on who I am and what my Purpose is.
There is a quote by Marianne Williams that a Dear friend framed for me and I keep it very close:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
This will not be perfect and it may even get messy, but that is not the point. The point is to start.